Needing a New Want

When I wrote a recent post about the value of our wants, I did not anticipate that it was a two-part article. In fact, I went on with my life, even writing another post on an entirely different topic.

 However, God was not done with me. Or the issue of wants. 

 The lingering feeling that I'd left something out of my post on wants left me pondering it. I kept checking my scriptures, praying over truth, and re-reading it; I felt at peace. Still, I felt the nagging sensation that I had missed something, and I even found this very topic in what I was reading and studying. I just wasn't sure what I lacked.

 And then on Sunday morning God showed me.

 I got to church, SO EXCITED for what that morning would be: DNOW wrap-up. The teenagers at my church had been at DNOW all weekend, and Sunday morning was always their time for reflection and testimony. I love this specific Sunday morning every year. Because of my work schedule, I can't be a part of DNOW, so Sunday morning is kinda my time to hear, celebrate, rejoice, and praise God.

 I was standing around with some of the DNOWers, hearing stories and sipping coffee, when I felt a tap on my shoulder: it was our children's minister asking me if one of the girls in my class could help with a child who needed one-on-one attention. 

 I knew several of my girls would willingly, and selflessly, volunteer. But I also knew they were WAAAYYY behind on sleep and needed that last session together to hear what God had done that weekend. So, without really giving it much thought, I told him, "I'll do it." I grabbed my Bible and followed him to the children's wing.

 The entire time we were walking there, I was arguing with myself. "I don't want to do this!" I silently shouted. "I want to hear the stories! I want to encourage! I want to see the joy and celebrate the triumphs!" At just the moment that I started to feel sorry for myself, I most certainly heard the Holy Spirit whisper, "You, my dear, need a new want to."

 (Want to know if it's God speaking to you? Often it feels like a kick in the pants. It's truth. It lines up perfectly with scripture. It points to God. And it sounds NOTHING LIKE WHAT YOU WANT.)

 How ironic, right? I mean, I had just written a blog on the power of our wants and letting our passions and excitement guide us. However, I left out one very powerful statement on the issue of wants: 

 It's our job to want what Jesus wants.

 We were born sinful and our every inclination is sinful. We're selfish, self-serving, and self-protecting. So though I still believe everything I wrote in the earlier post on the power of our wants, it was incomplete: 

 It's our job to want what Jesus wants. 
It's MY job to want what Jesus wants IN ME. 

 What did Jesus want that day? For ME to be filled by testimonies and stories and celebrations? Nope; that day, He wanted me to love a little boy who struggled to fit into a classroom setting. He wanted me to help the teacher so she could give the other students her full attention. He wanted me to step off my high horse of selfishness and pour out my life like a drink offering.

 So as I sat down in a tiny chair with the rest of the 3rd grade class, giving myself a good tongue-lashing in Jesus' name, I looked at the sweet boy who would be my partner for the next 45 minutes. He gave me the biggest smile. He tickled my hand. And as I sat there with him, I prayed constantly, "Lord, I want what you want." 

 DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? Of course you do. 

 I now have a soft spot in my heart for this precious boy. When I left that room, I was a changed woman. No longer selfish or self-seeking like I was just moments before, I was looking for ways to help someone. I asked God to show me someone who needed a kind word, a person who needed a helping hand, or a friend who needed a hug. 

 He gave me each of those. 

 Was helping a third grade boy my passion this past Sunday morning when I got up? Not at all. BUT IT BECAME MY WANT. Not because I wanted it, but because I wanted what Jesus wanted. 

 I don't do this every time. I'm sure I miss it more than I make it. But when my selfish heart is trumped by Jesus' plan for that hour or that day or that season, I am changed. I know His heart, feel His compassion, and choose to love others like He does. My wants really do change.

 So I'm still going to look for opportunities for my wants to collide with my daily path. I'm going to develop my mind and my heart to be the person God made me to be. 

But when His wants aren't my wants, I'm going to choose to submit. I bow the head and the knee, knowing the truth:
Seek the Lord while you can find him.
    Call on him now while he is near.
Let the wicked change their ways
    and banish the very thought of doing wrong.
Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them.
    Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens
    and stay on the ground to water the earth.
They cause the grain to grow,
    producing seed for the farmer
    and bread for the hungry.
It is the same with my word.
    I send it out, and it always produces fruit.
It will accomplish all I want it to,
    and it will prosper everywhere I send it.
You will live in joy and peace.
    The mountains and hills will burst into song,
    and the trees of the field will clap their hands!
Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow.
    Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up.
These events will bring great honor to the Lord’s name;
    they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.”
Isaiah 55:6-13, NLT


@leslienotebook
myleslienotebook@gmail.com

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