Grown-Up Friendships Part 1
"I've always chosen my friends," you say. Well, maybe it seems like that. But I bet if you look back with a careful eye, you'll notice that your friends were your friends because of convenience: you sat next to each other in kindergarten, your moms were friends, your last names put you next to each other in line, and so on. We are blessed by those early friendships because they are easy: one of you at one time said, "Hey, do you want to play?" and BOOM, you're friends for 13 years.
Grown-up friendships aren't so easy.
But oh, oh, oh are they so much more rewarding. Childhood friends serve a purpose: camaraderie and love and acceptance for the growing-up years. But grown-up friendships last UNTO DEATH. Even if you only see each other in person every 5 years. Even if you don't text that often. Even if you often say, "I wish we were closer." These grown-up friendships are more valuable than you can imagine, especially those that last decades. (Here are a few verses just in case you don't believe me.)
Consider a few of these traits of grown-up friends:
- They really see and listen. More than just hanging out together so neither of you is lonely, they hear what you say and, even better, what you don't say. I hurt my back--badly--a few years ago but thought I had it under control. A friend saw me walking down the hall at church and said, "Leslie...what is the matter with you?!?!" She saw right through my front and into my pain. I broke down in tears as I told her about my back; she grabbed my purse and Bible and carried them to the sanctuary for me.
- They walk through it with you, whatever "it" is. A few weeks ago I was meeting a friend for coffee, and I had gone 48 hours at a state park with my kids and slept in a bunk bed and not showered when I realized I didn't have time to go home and look semi-decent. Meaning I sat down in our hip coffee shop feeling sweaty, dirty, and slummy. And who sat down beside me? The absolutely most together woman: perfect hair and makeup, professional clothes, and oh-so-perfectly shaved legs, sitting there talking on the phone and typing on her pad. I texted my friend and told her what happened and do you know what she did? Y'all, she changed into leggings and a t-shirt so I would not feel alone. THAT'S a friend.
- They inspire you. I spent about 16 hours with my college roommate a few weekends ago, and I left feeling like I could conquer anything. She spoke boldly about her faith in God and how He was leading her family through the valley victoriously. She encouraged me, made me laugh, and taught me something I didn't know. And though it had been almost 20 years since we lived together in college, I felt like we still knew each other just as intimately. I drove away from her house praising God.
- They make you think. One of the biggest blessings I've had in the past few years is co-teaching Sunday school with my friends. I've known these women inside and out, and their faith is FOR REAL. And when they hold the Word of God out for teenage girls (and me!) to hear and understand, we are blown away. Even outside of that setting, I have so many amazing women in my life that dare me to keep my eyes, ears, and mind open to God as I ponder deep thoughts.
- They speak truth. Not the truth I want to hear; real truth. God's truth. Truth that at first might make you flinch, but once you calm down you realize is truth based in love and the Kingdom. Proverbs 27:6 says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted," and the loving truth spoken is always something I knew but maybe didn't want to face.
- They see through your bull. There's something about adult-ing that makes women feel the need to win the Miss Pinterest award. Don't get offended: I know some of you are the Miss Pinterest type, but we as adult women have got to stop out-impressing each other. GOOD GRIEF, please don't tell me how perfect your life is; I can't take it. And motherhood makes all the perfection SO MUCH MORE INTENSE. [Hey, if there is an ounce of shame to you young moms out three, see me pronto. I will shoot straight with you.] Real friends are not offended if you didn't vacuum your rug or brush your teeth or make your kids change out of pajamas. In fact, my very best friends right now are those who are the very most honest about their shortcomings, their struggles, and their complete and utter dependence on God.
These friendships are not just mine; they can be yours RIGHT NOW. But it takes some work.
So if you are out of high school I dare you to make a list of your 10 or 20 closest friends and analyze them: why are you friends with this person? Would you be her friend if you met her tomorrow? Is she truly a friend or more of a pity project? (This is real; I know.) In no way are you going to ditch the people on your list that you realize are not your friends; however, you are going to approach your grown-up friendships differently.
Then lay out this list before God--literally--and ask Him about those friendships. "Lord, should I stay in this?" "Is she really my friend?" "Does she speak truth to me?" Give God control over your list; He will bring to light the truths of your friendships.
In a few days, I'll write more about where you might find new grown-up friendships. But in the meantime, look back through the list above and ask yourself, "How many of my friends do these things?" And, maybe even more importantly, "To whom am I this type of friend?"
Grown-up friendships are an integral part to life; they will catapult you into the next stage of life and be your lifeline in the struggles. Take this seriously!
Thanks for sharing and liking!
@leslienotebook
myleslienotebook@gmail.com
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