You Didn't Ask, Part 2

[Disclaimer: I have not looked at this twitter page. But the picture is SO PERFECT for today's post, I just had to put it here!]

 I've gotten TONS of feedback from my You Didn't Ask, Part 1 post. And if you haven't read it, please do.

 But I realized that Part 1 was more along the lines of "What to do when you realize you should not be where you are in a relationship." So, for some of you, it might be really helpful to have a post that was more of a "how not to even get into a mess with guys." So this is it. 

 Just like in Part 1, nobody ever asked me, "Leslie, what should I be looking for in a guy?" So, again, here is my unsought advice:

 Don't make this decision on your own. It starts with prayer. Before you EVEN GO OUT ONCE, you should be deep in conversation with God about this guy. And if you are truly believing he is date-able, ask your mentor or mom or gorgeous and wise Sunday School teacher. Do not ask your friend if she's the type who wants you to be happy. I'm sorry, but happy is not the standard you're supposed to be striving for; holy is the standard. And YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY LONG-TERM UNLESS HE IS HOLY--set apart by God and choosing to live in response to that. 

 Don't make this decision with your heart. That seems so backward. But your heart is a terrible judge of character (Jeremiah 17:9). I have watched so many amazing girls fall for terrible guys. Why? Because their heart led them astray. You've got to get your BRAIN involved in this decision, and use Smart Love (Philippians 1:9-10) to determine if he is the guy for you to consider. Now, sometimes your heart (which takes into account your emotions, your lust, and your hormones) draws you to a guy that is ALL WRONG. And you KNOW IT. So what do you do then? Stay away. Flee from him and pursue the things of God (2 Timothy 2:22). Don't go to places you know he'll be. Don't sit next to him. Don't give him your number. For heaven's sake, don't flirt. Because that means you're choosing to let your heart override your brain. BAD CHOICE.

 Observe him. When Samuel was sent by God to anoint the next king, he saw the oldest son of Jesse, Eliab, and thought, "Certainly the Lord's anointed one is here before him," (1 Samuel 16:6). Leslie's translation: "He sure looks like a king." But God spoke into Samuel's soul and said, "Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7).  

 Girls are a little like Samuel: we see his outward appearance, watch him for about two minutes being nice to a little kid, and think, "Whoa! Marriage material!" STOP. You're seeing just a fraction of who he is. You want to see what he does when he's stressed, angry, and overwhelmed. You want to see how he treats his parents and teachers and the kid that annoys everybody. You want to know if he's the same person around you as he is around his friends. You want to see his heart. And that takes a while. 

 Do not go after him. This seems like the most backward advice to some of you, but I read it from the most amazing book on dating (sorry, Kristen!) called Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. Though she was madly, desperately in love with a man who was totally husband-worthy, she waited for him to pursue her. It was hard. It was not what she physically and emotionally wanted. But it was THE RIGHT THING to do for her long-term commitment. If you make most of the contacting, if you do most of the planning, or if you do most of the initiating, stop. Do not annoy him into dating you.

 Spend more time thinking about God than thinking about him. If you realize you're starting to obsess about one guy, you are out of God's will. HE is to be your first love, your Lord, your perfect companion, your peace, and your forever passion. He knows you, loves you, and His plans for you better than any human ever dreamed. He is worthy of your time, attention, and focus now. If your friends or parents point out that you're a little too obsessed with a guy, step back. Make spending time in the presence of Jesus your priority.

 Trust God's plan. I can remember more than once being totally and completely heartbroken with a guy broke up with me. I was not always 38 and filled with all wisdom (LOL). I remember the pain of heartache. And I wanted nothing more than for that guy who just dumped me to love me again. But let me tell you, girls, my husband is 100,000 times more awesome than any other guy I've ever known. I am blown away every day at how amazing he is and that God would entrust me to this man. I thank Him all the time for letting me get dumped by guys who were not in His will, even if it caused my heart to break.

 Oh, the stories that adult women would tell you if someone had told them this at 15 or 18 or 22 and they believed it. Your faith and obedience in your dating relationships often reveal your faith and obedience in God. 

 @leslienotebook
myleslienotebook@gmail.com

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