Grown-Up Friendships Part 3

These two posts on friendship (first one here and second here) have really struck a nerve. I've had more texts and face-to-face conversations with people saying to me, "I needed what you said about friends. I shared it with mine."

I don't think I'm being overly dramatic here: We know, deep down, the value of our friendships. But we don't always live it. I raise my own hand at this struggle: between running a household, responsibilities, job, your own kids, commitments, and (gasp!) church, I find myself longing for time to develop my friendships but little of it. I savor every moment with my friends, but sadly our time over coffee or cooking a meal together is never as often as I hope.

The best friendships aren't cultured only in our disasters; they are forged through the ins and outs, the day-to-day as well as the "I'm bored sitting here in the waiting room so I thought I'd call you" moments.

There is freedom in great friendships. So I'm not going to give you a list of hard-and-fast rules. But I will describe to you what makes my friends awesome:

• Friends show up with a knife. At first glance that sounds like a brutal statement, but listen to my story: My husband has a good friend named Paul. We were supposed to go to Paul and his wife Tonya's house to eat one night, but my husband had killed two deer that afternoon and needed to get them processed so we could eat them in the coming months. I called Tonya and told her we probably wouldn't make it in time to eat, because there wasn't enough time before dinner for him to finish with the deer. Thirty minutes later, Paul showed up in our driveway with a knife, ready to help. That's a pal. Some people shrink in the face of trials and suffering; friends show up ready to help. 
• Friends know your comfort food. And when times are hard, they will arrive on your doorstep with that carton of Ben and Jerry's just when you need it. They don't tell you to suck it up or give you a cheesy feel-good statement; they are ready to sit down with you on the couch until that whole carton is gone. They're not going to try to fix your problem, but they'll listen until you've started back down the path to wholeness. They'll check up on you until you're there.
• Friends speak the truth in love. They won't let you dwell in your unforgiveness, your bitterness, or your self-loathing. It's not that they're always trying to fix you; it's that they know you at your best and will alert you when you're off center. They know when you are hormone-controlled or cra-cray but don't say it; however, they will look you in the eyes and say, "I love you...what's REALLY the matter?"
• Friends pray for you. And you know they are praying not because they tell you they're praying but because God is telling them what to pray. There is nothing more goosebump-inducing than to have a friend text, "I've been praying for you to have a softer heart," when she didn't know you were struggling with a hard one. 
• Friends don't avoid the hard questions. That's what acquaintances do. Friends, on the other hand, say it: "How are you handling that divorce?" "Is your daughter out of jail?" "Are you and baby sleeping through the night yet?" Friends don't hope you give the "I'm fine" answer; they hope you'll shoot straight so they can jump in the fire with you and help carry you.
• Friends forgive instantly. Now that's a hard one, because sometimes we don't see eye-to-eye. But a real friend felt that hurt or that sharp word or that snub and immediately showed you grace. And when we finally come to our senses and apologize, they say, "I already forgave you."
• Friends can see your heart. You don't fool a friend with good make-up and new earrings. She sees the weary eyes and the stress in your forehead. They care much more about the condition of your soul than whether or not you're keeping up with the laundry. They text you scriptures and mail you a great book to help you through the tough times, and they send you gifs and cat videos because you need those, too.
• Friends love you best because they love Jesus most. There is biblical truth to this, and my best friends are amazing because Jesus is their best friend. He fills their cup, He makes them wise, He gives them power and strength. They aren't depending on themselves or their husbands or other friends for these things; they depend wholly on the only One who can make them whole.

Don't settle for so-so friendships. Dig deep, hold out hope, and keep rescheduling until it's automatic.

"Encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing," 1 Thessalonians 5:11

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