How to Adult?

I've opened the Leslie Notebook up to suggestions, asking my Class of 2014 girls what they might like to see on this page.

Here's today's request:

 "Please write about how we know what to do with our adult lives."

 I'll let you know when I figure it out :)

 Seriously, I'm definitely not an expert on this; I still have so much I want to do and I struggle to know how to prioritize, use my time wisely, and set my focus on the best things. 

 But I do know this: the most disappointed people are those who think they will arrive at some point and find themselves complete, fulfilled, and mature. 

 False.

 We tend to set our sights on one thing: graduating. Getting "the job." Finding "the guy." Marriage. Kids. Promotion. "Enough money," whatever that is.

 At each of these stages of my life, I can honestly say that I was always a little disappointed. Graduation from college with a music degree, which was a long-time commitment and more hours practicing than I want to think about, seemed like a mildly boring ceremony. A few months later, I looked at myself in the mirror on my wedding day and thought, "Nothing magical here. It's me in a fancy dress and too much makeup." Nine years later, I had my first child and felt absolutely no different than I was the day before; only now, I had a life depending on me. Yikes. I felt less mature than ever.

 So Step One is this: Stop looking for the ONE BIG THING. Marriage and kids and success are steps along the way, but they're not all. They're not even most. Your life is, rather, the sum of the little things: 

  • Did you love with grace? 
  • Did you stop to enjoy beauty?
  • Did you change someone's life?
  • Did you hear God? Did you obey?
  • Did you define yourself with your EVERY DAY HABITS: dwelling in the Bible, eating good foods, laughing, and letting the interruptions interrupt?
Step Two might seem obvious, but it's actually not: GROW UP. I wrote a blog post about this almost two years ago, but you should read it again here. 

Until you can know how to grow up and actually do it, you are not an adult. 
[Uninvited side note: DO NOT DATE A BOY WHO REFUSES TO GROW UP.] 

Step Three is something you're never going to achieve, but is an ongoing, lifetime goal: Seek God in His Word. He is your creator, He is your sustainer, and no one except for God knows the path for your life. Granted, He may not reveal it to you (Jeremiah 29:11), but He has it. And you CANNOT follow His plan without His Book. One hour a day, first thing every day. Yes, there are times when you can't. Yes, there is grace for those days when it doesn't happen. But make that hour your most sacred and committed hour every single morning.

[Step 3A: Learn how to use biblegateway.com and blueletterbible.org. You can find everything you need to know on these two websites.]

What does God's Word say about being mature? 
  • You can't reach biblical maturity amidst life's worries, riches, and pleasures. This world chokes out your ability to grow up in your faith (Luke 8:14).
  • Maturity involves both unity with other believers and knowledge of Jesus (Ephesians 4:13) and is marked by speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:13).
  • Mature believers have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil using God's Word (Hebrews 5:11-14).
  • Trials lead to perseverance, which leads to maturity (James 1:2-4).
Step Four is something I firmly believe is a HUGE key to maturity: Get a mentor. Or five. Best-case scenario, get one in every decade: someone in her 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. Get mentors older and, as you become an "older," get some that are younger. No need for a set time and place and 10-week Bible study; just know her well and let her get in your business. Ask for advice and listen. Some of you still call and text me for advice, and I love that. But I'm not the end-all-be-all of wisdom. (Nowhere close, actually.) I would love to know that I am one of FIVE women you call when you need real advice.

Step Five, and the last one for today, is look long-term. I don't just mean looking to the next stage or retirement or some magical age: I mean HEAVEN. Let everything pass through this truth:

I am God's. 
I am created for His glory. 
I am headed to eternity with Him.

What is it that's stressing you? Who is telling you something that does not matter? Step away from the people or social media apps or situations that take your eyes off this truth. Yes, you must figure out how to earn a living and become independent and manage the resources you have; but your life is so much more than you realize. Put the best of yourself--the beautiful, creative, passionate part of you--into those eternal things. 

By no means is this an exhaustive list. But maybe it will get you started. 

Much love to all of you as you grow in love, grace, and truth.

Leslie

@leslienotebook
myleslienotebook@gmail.com



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