My Confession
I am a terrible writer.
Seriously. I'm awful.
How do I know? Well, last Friday I had a few hours to write. I was so excited to share with you. I grabbed my Study Bible and concordance, turned on the computer, opened my blog, put my hands on the keyboard, and...
Nothing.
Not a thing came to mind. No scriptures, no words, no cute stories, no life lessons. NOTHING.
So I checked email. Stalked a few of you on Facebook and Twitter. (In Jesus' name, of course :) Reviewed that morning's Jesus Calling, waiting for those great ideas to come flowing into my head.
Nothing.
I couldn't believe it. I am ALWAYS thinking about you, praying for you, and going to God on your behalf. I miss you, love you, and want more than anything to be one way that God's Word comes alive to you. And many times a day I have these great ideas for blogs.
But none of them came to me last Friday. So I sat here face to face with the reality that I am a terrible writer.
But God isn't. He's an awesome writer. He has perfect parallels, knows exactly how to explain His Word, and is fully aware of what you need to hear and when. So last Friday, instead of blogging, I instead spent the hour talking to God, saying things like, "You give me my every idea. You are my inspiration. You are my words, my illustrations, and everything that is good about my blog."
Well, that's where I started, at least. It kept going from there:
"Also, Lord, I'm also a terrible mom. Without you, I have no patience, no love, no creative discipline. I don't know how in the world my kids have anything good in them except from You."
"And on that topic, I'm a terrible wife. Unless I start my day focused on You, I'm selfish, moody, and nothing like the Proverbs 31 woman I think I am. I don't want to submit, I always think I know what is best, and forget what it means to love sacrificially."
"Shoot. While we're at it, Lord, let's just clear the air: Without you, I'm awful at just about everything. Teaching piano. Teaching Sunday School. Speaking to women and girls. Being a friend. Remembering. Encouraging. Listening. I can't do anything without you."
And that's when I felt a peace. Because I finally came face to face with truth:
The only thing good in me is God.
("For I know that nothing good dwells in me," Romans 7:18.)
And sometimes He lets me really see that. Without His indwelling spirit, I'm everything I don't want to be. Unless I really believe His Word and choose to live it out, I'm worthless. (You can read more about that if you look at all of Romans 7).
BUT.*
But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, (Philippians 4:13). So though I'm a terrible writer, terrible mom, terrible wife, terrible teacher, and, quite honestly, terrible person on my own, I have the potential to be AWESOME in any and all of those things when I allow Christ to be my strength. My power. My inspiration. My creativity. My patience. My hope. My love. My passion. My everything.
You do, too.
You're terrible at everything. Sorry if that hurts your feelings. But I'm not into protecting your feelings. I want you to rise above feelings and self-esteem and pride and know TRUTH.
CHRIST IN YOU MAKES YOU AWESOME. Nothing else.
And every now and then, He lets you realize it. He lets you fail a test or blow an important interview or ruin a friendship because you thought you were good or smart or cool or loving.
When what you really are is saved by grace. Just like me.
So with my new-found admission that I'm terrible, I am also refreshed. Because I realize it's not up to me to be good. I can't be good. I can't be anything other than terrible unless I rely on Christ.
So that's what I'm doing. Trusting that He will work in me and through me when I know Him, obey Him, and trust Him.
Admitting you're terrible is a good place to start :)
@leslienotebook
myleslienotebook@gmail.com
*[Side note: The word "but" is one of my favorite words in all of the Bible. I love it when Scripture describes some terrible situation followed by, "but." In Genesis 6-7, we read all about how completely evil the world was and how God sent the flood to destroy everything. But then 8:1 starts with the words, "But God remembered Noah..." In Genesis 11 men wanted to build a tower to heaven, "but the Lord came down," (verse 5.) Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery and he had every opportunity to kill them for it; he chose instead to tell them, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good," (Genesis 50:20).]
Seriously. I'm awful.
How do I know? Well, last Friday I had a few hours to write. I was so excited to share with you. I grabbed my Study Bible and concordance, turned on the computer, opened my blog, put my hands on the keyboard, and...
Nothing.
Not a thing came to mind. No scriptures, no words, no cute stories, no life lessons. NOTHING.
So I checked email. Stalked a few of you on Facebook and Twitter. (In Jesus' name, of course :) Reviewed that morning's Jesus Calling, waiting for those great ideas to come flowing into my head.
Nothing.
I couldn't believe it. I am ALWAYS thinking about you, praying for you, and going to God on your behalf. I miss you, love you, and want more than anything to be one way that God's Word comes alive to you. And many times a day I have these great ideas for blogs.
But none of them came to me last Friday. So I sat here face to face with the reality that I am a terrible writer.
But God isn't. He's an awesome writer. He has perfect parallels, knows exactly how to explain His Word, and is fully aware of what you need to hear and when. So last Friday, instead of blogging, I instead spent the hour talking to God, saying things like, "You give me my every idea. You are my inspiration. You are my words, my illustrations, and everything that is good about my blog."
Well, that's where I started, at least. It kept going from there:
"Also, Lord, I'm also a terrible mom. Without you, I have no patience, no love, no creative discipline. I don't know how in the world my kids have anything good in them except from You."
"And on that topic, I'm a terrible wife. Unless I start my day focused on You, I'm selfish, moody, and nothing like the Proverbs 31 woman I think I am. I don't want to submit, I always think I know what is best, and forget what it means to love sacrificially."
"Shoot. While we're at it, Lord, let's just clear the air: Without you, I'm awful at just about everything. Teaching piano. Teaching Sunday School. Speaking to women and girls. Being a friend. Remembering. Encouraging. Listening. I can't do anything without you."
And that's when I felt a peace. Because I finally came face to face with truth:
The only thing good in me is God.
("For I know that nothing good dwells in me," Romans 7:18.)
And sometimes He lets me really see that. Without His indwelling spirit, I'm everything I don't want to be. Unless I really believe His Word and choose to live it out, I'm worthless. (You can read more about that if you look at all of Romans 7).
BUT.*
But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, (Philippians 4:13). So though I'm a terrible writer, terrible mom, terrible wife, terrible teacher, and, quite honestly, terrible person on my own, I have the potential to be AWESOME in any and all of those things when I allow Christ to be my strength. My power. My inspiration. My creativity. My patience. My hope. My love. My passion. My everything.
You do, too.
You're terrible at everything. Sorry if that hurts your feelings. But I'm not into protecting your feelings. I want you to rise above feelings and self-esteem and pride and know TRUTH.
CHRIST IN YOU MAKES YOU AWESOME. Nothing else.
And every now and then, He lets you realize it. He lets you fail a test or blow an important interview or ruin a friendship because you thought you were good or smart or cool or loving.
When what you really are is saved by grace. Just like me.
So with my new-found admission that I'm terrible, I am also refreshed. Because I realize it's not up to me to be good. I can't be good. I can't be anything other than terrible unless I rely on Christ.
So that's what I'm doing. Trusting that He will work in me and through me when I know Him, obey Him, and trust Him.
Admitting you're terrible is a good place to start :)
@leslienotebook
myleslienotebook@gmail.com
*[Side note: The word "but" is one of my favorite words in all of the Bible. I love it when Scripture describes some terrible situation followed by, "but." In Genesis 6-7, we read all about how completely evil the world was and how God sent the flood to destroy everything. But then 8:1 starts with the words, "But God remembered Noah..." In Genesis 11 men wanted to build a tower to heaven, "but the Lord came down," (verse 5.) Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery and he had every opportunity to kill them for it; he chose instead to tell them, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good," (Genesis 50:20).]
Comments
Post a Comment