Give Grace for Mother's Day

Few holidays bring up as many emotions as Mother's Day. 

 For the majority, Mother's Day is a time to buy flowers and a card or maybe even make a strawberry shortcake for Mom or Grandma. 

 But—oh, hear me carefully here—many woman cringe at the thought of Mother's Day. The pain and memories and living-with-it-every-day burden is more than they can bear:

  • There are women whose mothers were horrible. They may have been abusive, absent, or neglecting. Neither nurturing or loving, these mothers made their children's lives full of fear or even terror.
  • There are women whose mothers are dead. Mother's Day with all its joy and happiness is not comforting or soothing for them.
  • There are women who desire to be mothers but are unable to bear children. Mother's Day is a taunting reminder of what they are not.
  • There are women who feel they are terrible mothers. Their kids may be rebellious or hurtful or maybe they left long ago and cut off all contact. 
  • There are women who are truly mothers but no one knows. One of my friends in high school got pregnant at 16 and gave her baby up for adoption. When they handed out flowers to moms at church, she felt empty and forgotten. 
  • There are women who are separated from their children, either by miles or pain or because they were declared unable to be a good mother. These women love their children and would give anything to be with them; they just can't bridge that gap.

For some women, they just feel less-than on Mother's Day.

 I remember watching a woman I loved, years ago, weep at a restaurant where she was eating Mother's Day lunch with her husband and children. Tears rolled from her eyes as she tried to enjoy her meal, tried to pretend that motherhood was good and fulfilling and the ultimate joy.

 But now that I've been a mother myself, I know where those tears came from. I've cried those tears, on Mother's Day, of all times. 

 The first Mother's Day I was a mother, I had a 4-month-old who wouldn't sleep more than 3 hours at a time. I was so sleep deprived and I felt guilt that all I wanted for Mother's Day was for someone to give me 24 hours to be not a mother.

 The second year, I was still sleep deprived, wondering when Mother's Day would feel like something I enjoyed. My child didn't even know what the holiday meant, and he certainly didn't make me a card or breakfast. I was still up at the crack of dawn after getting up with him several times in the night. And I knew traveling for Mother's Day (to my own mom's house) would cause him to miss a nap and be grumpy and clingy. I just wanted to skip Mother's Day.

 The third year of being a mother, I had two kids: one two, one four months. Still sleep deprived. Secretly wanting more than ever to celebrate Mother's Day without my children. And then feeling ashamed for it.

 And in the midst of my selfish Mother's Day wish in those early years, I felt extreme guilt: my own mother was watching her mother die. I had close friends who couldn't conceive and would give anything to have a needy, loving, healthy baby. I knew women raising their grandchildren because their own daughters couldn't handle motherhood. I knew mothers raising children who were disabled, women who were raising children alone, women who were raising children and trying to hold their family together because their husbands acted like children.

 What a mess. And Mother's Day brings it all to the forefront, with pictures of everyone with their mothers, smiling and beautiful, on a day that is supposed to be full of joy and love but for some is full of hurt and guilt.

 Mothering is the hardest thing I've ever done. And though my kids are now old enough to brush their own teeth and clean their rooms (HAL-LE-LU-JAH), I still have those days when I feel that I messed up. Didn't love. Didn't give mercy. Lived selfishly. 

 So when one of the most amazing shops ever, Scarlet and Gold, started their Mother's Day Full of Grace idea, I was so excited. They are encouraging women everywhere to give grace on Mother's Day: recognize the hurt, realize the pain, and love the women around you when they don't feel loved or loving.

 Women are dealing with pain from their own mothers, their kids, and their own brains telling them that they are not who they should be as a mother. So what about a little grace? 

  • Can we take some time this Mother's Day to show love and patience and forgiveness to our mothers—and other mothers—because none of us get it right?
  • Can we forgive ourselves for not being the mother we thought we would be?
  • Can we accept the grace of our Lord Jesus, believing that His grace is sufficient for us, that His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)?
  • Can we, who are mothers, all agree that we're in this together to love our children and do our best? Can we help each other live with grace every day?

I'll be wearing my give grace tattoo on Mother's Day. And my goal is to do it.

 @leslienotebook
myleslienotebook@gmail.com

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